My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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