I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
