..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
