There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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