the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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