I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
