Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
