The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
