Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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