piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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