there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
