From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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