Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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