I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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