K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
