I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
