i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
