Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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