Moan for me like Helen Keller
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
