He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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