Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
that may or may not have been my penis.
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