I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
