In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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