Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
