turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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