I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
