I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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