glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
