Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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