I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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