Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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