Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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