she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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