I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
