My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
