no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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