Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
