oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
