if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
