wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Text me some of your sweat
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