i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My feet surprised me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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