If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
