omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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