we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
cat food counts as protein by the way
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
