2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
