so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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