thus making me awesome and them whores
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
