Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
