I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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