I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
