explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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