so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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