i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
