dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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