She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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