if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
